Instagram Dump #11

I take terrible, terrible photos and post them to Instagram. Aren’t I inane?

a photo of a vinyl uppercase "L" sticker
“L” for LOSER

I got this cheap L sticker so I could make the limit to get free shipping from Amazon. I have no idea where it is now.

a photo of a cat toy made of fuzz and tinsel
Look what the cat dragged in.

This is one of my sister’s cat toys. Surprisingly, her cats actually prefer some colours of fuzzy tinsel balls over others.

a photo of a tub of market pantry peanut butter filled pretzels
Blargh.

Yes, I did eat all of those. When I have massive organ failure in the future, you’ll know exactly why.

a photo of some hormel sandwich meat packets hanging on a rack
…yum?

These meats were hanging unrefrigerated in a Dollar General. Aren’t cold cuts supposed to be kept cold?

a photo of four brass keys lined up
The keys to my heart! …not really.

These keys were in my purse. I had no idea what they were for.

a photo of five white miniature canvasses
Abstract!

These are some teeny tiny canvasses. They are rectangular. I like rectangles.

a photo of a negativland content business card
CONTENT!

My sister took my to a Negitivland concert. They handed out these cards. I think they were trying to make a point about consumerism and disposable media. You know, like the inane junk on this website.

a photo of some three sprinkles that are blue, red and white
Tasty!

I got these off of some America Day cupcakes.

a photo of a fast bites sausage and cheese biscuit, and a fast bites bbq rib sandwhich
Ick.

The buns on these ended up rock-hard. Remind me to stop buying food from Dollar General.

a photo of a carton of trader joe's maple water
…what?

I told the Americans that Maple Water is a traditional Canadian drink. This is not a thing that is actually true.

a photo of a grow your own crystals kits for blue crystals
SCIENCE!

I got this crystal growing kit for a dollar from Target. You will see later how well the crystals grew.

a photo of a placemat with with two snowmen lying in the desert
Curious.

This snowman placemat was hanging out all alone in the Tucson desert. I think when it actually snows in Tucson, that they call in the national guard.

a photo of a grilled cheese on plate with a pickle and some ketchup
Yummers!

You gotta dip your grilled cheese in some ketchup. It’s the law!

a photo of some foil crumpled up into three balls
Shiny!

I’m making some sort of an artistic statement here.

a photo of a bow of breakfast choice high fiber twigs cereal
Ew.

This was such false advertising. This cereal didn’t contain any twigs at all.

a photo of a package of a package of krave black cherry jerky and can of redd's black cherry ale
Delicious!

One of my favourite flavours is black cherry. I’m so mad at President’s Choice for discontinuing their Black Cherry Soda.

a photo of a rainbow over a parking lot
Pretty!

It was monsoon season in Tucson. There were beautiful rainbows hanging over the vast, empty parking lots. Go urban sprawl!

a photo of a rainbow over a mountain range
Gorgeous!

I never actually visited the mountains, when I was in Tucson. For some reason, there isn’t a shuttle or public transit that travels to them.

a photo of either a hare or a rabbit
Lagomorphic!

I wasn’t sure whether this was a hare or a rabbit. I ate it anyhow!

a photo of a glass of trader joe's maple water and the water carton
Hydrating!

Trader Joe’s Maple Water tastes like maple syrup mixed with sweaty sock water.

 

Well, that’s all fro today. I hope you enjoyed this mystical photographic journey as much as I did!

Depressing Trudge Down the Rillito “River”

I’m in Tucson. And you know what the thing about Tucson is? It really must have been beautiful, before they turned it into a giant parking lot and all the rivers dried up.

Case in point: The Rillito River. Once it flowed it flowed year-round, now it’s mostly just a bone-dry trench filled with garbage, unless there’s really heavy rains, in which case all the garbage gets washed into inconvenient places.

I decided to take a walk alongside the Rillito “River”. It bummed me out. It’s weird squaring with all the destruction and mayhem my species causes.

There was a river here for thousands of years and it only took us about 100 to use it all up.

Yeah, so, all my pictures suck, because I was sad… and also I was testing out the camera on my new cellphone and I didn’t realize it was shooting in 16:9 mode, because the UI was covering part of the view up.

That’s my story and I’m sticking it.

dry riverbed of the rillito river
Rillito River Dried-Up

Really, this is a river.

sigh that reads "HIGH VANDALISM AREA LOCK AND SECURE VALUABLES"
Vandalism Warning Sign

DON’T VANDALIZE HANDICAPPED PEOPLE! IT’S NOT NICE!

This sign was next to some scary-looking bathrooms that had their sinks outside.

discarded shopping cart in the dry rillito river
Shopping Cart in the Rillito River

There a loads of discarded shopping carts all over Tucson. It’s weird how far away some of them end up from any store. Tuscon has the urban sprawl something awful. Definite food desert situations in many areas. I guess some people without cars just opt to take the cart with them, rather than try to carry their groceries for miles.

brush growing in the dry rillito river
Rillito River Overgrowth

Here, fishy fishy fishy…

makeshift transient house in the dry rillito river
Rillito River Hobo House

Hhhhmmm… That’s weird. It looks like someone has cobbled together a small structure from various refuse.

shanty in the middle of dry rillito river
Rillito River Hobo House Closeup

Yes, that’s right, the Rillito River has been dry so long, that a hobo has taken up residence right in the middle of it.

I sort of wanted to go down to the shanty and have myself a little look-see, but I couldn’t see if anybody was home and I didn’t want to get hobo-shanked.

I hope whoever lives there doesn’t drown during the next monsoon season.

dry concrete runoff trench
Rillito Concrete Runoff Trench

On the rare occasions when there is water in the river, it can end up way too high and overflow, because the ground is so dry and hard that the water doesn’t seep into it. They built these ugly concrete trenches to mitigate the overflow.

two saguaros alongside a path
Two Saguaros

I can never seem to find any nice cacti. They’re always misshapen and weird.

a saguaro full of holes made by birds
Saguaro with Bird Holes

Birds live in those holes. Also, gnomes.

spray-painted graffiti on a saguaro
Saguaro Graffiti

It’s actually a felony to vandalize a saguaro cactus. They take a really long time to grow. It can be a 100 years before they even get their first arm. So they get a mite bit miffed when you mess with one.

fishhook barrel cactus with yellow fruit
Fishhook Barrel Cactus

The fruit of a barrel cactus are edible. You need tongs and oven mitts to harvest them, though.

palo verde tree in bloom
Palo Verde Tree

This a palo verde tree. The little yellow flowers get collect in little piles on the ground and it is very cute.

yellow palo verde flowers
Palo Verde Blooms

This is all blurry because it was very windy. I wonder if my cellphone camera has a burst function?

desert mistletoe growing on a velvet mesquite tree
Desert Mistletoe

This one is a little bit hard to see, but what looks like a clump of twigs on this tree is actually desert mistletoe. It wasn’t very Christmasy, though, because there wasn’t any little poisonous berries on it.

a tree in circular concrete landscaping
Tree Circle

This sure is a boring photo.

ocotillo in bloom
Ocotillo

Ocotillos look like they belong on an alien planet. A lot of people have them it their gardens. I could never do that, because I would inevitably stumbled into it and grievously harm myself on the spinedies.

orange ocotillo flowers
Ocotillo Flowers

Cute little orange flowers. Apparently, hummingbirds like them.

ocotillo plant without flowers
Flowerless Ocotillo

Here’s one without flowers, just evil spinedies waiting to murder unsuspecting Laurels.

yellow brittlebush flowers
Brittlebush Flowers

I like taking photos of flowers. Someone buy me a $4000 macro lense, so I can do it more betterer.

yellow brittlebush flowers
Brittlebush Bunch

I need to learn how to stop bright yellow from blowing everything out.

purple aster flowers
Purple Aster

We have asters in Ontario, but they tend to bloom in the Fall there, instead of the Spring like here.

agave plant
Agave

This should stop being an agave and start being a tequila.

caution signs that read "watch for ice on bridge" and "change in surface"
Ice Warning Signs

Ice? Ha! You don’t know from ice, you crazy southerners.

rusted bridge with a yellow dividing line
Rusty Bridge

If this bridge wasn’t here, I might have drowned trying to cross the river.

tile art of hands and corn
Corn Hands Tiles

Some of the bridges are decorated with painted tiles.

Are those hands gigantic or is that corn really small?

broken tile art of boars
Broken Boar Tiles

Someone vandalized the pork.

tile art of some boars
Boar Tiles

Intact pork.

If you see a wild pig in Tucson, run. They’re very dangerous… and delicious.

rusted bridge with the santa catalina mountains in the backrgound
Bridge and Santa Catalina Mountains

Look it’s the mountains! Clouds look weird when you’re at a high elevation.

strange metal bench structure
Unidentified Metal Bench Thing

Alright, what the Hell is this thing? It looks like a bus stop, but it’s not anywhere near a road. It’s also the only one along the path to my knowledge.

strange hinged metal cylinder
Unidentified Metal Cylinder

And then there’s this weird cylinder in front of it. The purpose of which was the cause of much perplexitude.

strange hinged metal object in the open position
Unidentified Metal Cylinder Opened

It opens, but why?

concrete snake sculpture
Snake Sculpture

Pretty much all the art along the path has been vandalized.

tucson sun circle on a cloudy day
Sun Circle

Hey, it’s the Tucson Sun Circle, which is completely useless on an overcast day, as you can plainly see here.

instructional plaque for the tucson sun circle
Sun Circle Instructions Plaque

Here are the instructions for the Sun Circle. Apparently, it does something interesting on the Equinox, BUT I COULDN’T SIT AROUND AND WAIT THAT LONG.

bronze memorial monument in the tucson children's memorial park
Memorial Monument

I stopped at the Children’s Memorial Park. That wall back there is filled with the names of dead children. There are too many names.

bronze statue of a little girl praying
Praying Girl Statue

I’m not sure whether those flowers blew there or someone placed them on the girl.

bronze statue of a little boy on a magic carpet
Magic Carpet Statue

Not sure whether I like the idea of dead children flying around on magic carpets. Ghosts are scary enough without whimsical woven goods.

blue trash can alongside a path
Blue Trash Can

Why do they bother with trash cans? Everyone just throws their junk onto the riverbed.

ants crawling out of a hole in the sand
Sand Ants

I always wanted an ant farm as a kid.

dead dove on gravel
Dead Dove

It is a dead dove. It’s a metaphor for my life.

Google Photos created this stupid hipster video of my trip.

 

If I misidentified anything in these photos, feel free to drop me a line.

And, yes, I realize that it’s still technically a river because there is water flowing underground. (Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was…)

Instagram Dump #10

My Instagram is overflowing with photos again, so I’m going to make you look at them.

a photo of some chipped white paint
Chip Chip Chippy

It’s some chipped paint. This is interesting.

a photo of two pairs of lady's boxer shorts
Not Your Granny’s Panties

I got tired of my underpants riding up my ass, so I bought some boxer shorts.

a photo of some frozen banana and blueberry cream
Yummy!

I made this frozen banana and blueberry goop with my Yonanas. It was very tasty.

two windmill patterns made from rib bones
Spooky! Spooky!

I made some spicy ribs and then played with the bare bones afterwards.

a windmill pattern made from rib bones
Spooky!

There’s something wrong with me.

a bunch of rowan tree berries
Very Berry

I just looked in up and these are the berries of the rowan tree. I didn’t taste them because I thought they were poisonous, but they’re edible. My policy is to leave wild berries for the birds, instead of eating them myself, though.

a closeup photo of some rowan berries
Blurry Berry

This phone was really bad with blurry things constantly.

rowan berries lined up in a square pattern
Orderly

Hey look! It’s my autism!

a photo of a rowan twig and berry
Artsy-Fartsy

This is supposed to represent the circle of life… or something.

photo of president's choice pulled pork poutine kit box
Ow my heart!

This poutine was pretty tasty, but you can get fresh poutine from a restaurant for the same price.

a photo of six plastic bottle caps
Wow!

I drink too much diet pop.

a photo of a pyramid made from plastic bottle caps
Amazing!

Arranging this and taking this photo was a really good use of my time.

a photo of a president's choice speculoos cookie butter jar
OMFG

It’s speculoos cookies ground up and made spreadable. I ate the whole jar with a spoon.

a photo of president's choice world of flavours butter chicken pizza box
Spicy!

I can never find a good Indian restaurant near where I live.

a photo of president's choice world of flavours cheeseburger spring rolls  box
Ew.

These cheeseburger spring rolls were really bizarre and greasy. They also had pickles and mustard inside.

a photo of hutchison's ginger wine and diet dr pepper
What?

I mixed Hutchison’s Ginger Wine and Diet Dr. Pepper together. I saw through time.

a photo of gingerbread men peeps
Jolly!

Yep. Gingerbread-flavoured PeepsPeeps always make me feel sick to my stomach. These were no exception.

a photo of a resealable caramilk bar wrapper
But why?

Does anybody ever save part of a chocolate bar for later? Why in the world would a chocolate bar wrapper have to be resealable ever?

a photo of jimmy dean blueberry pancakes & sausage on a stick box
THE HORROR! THE HORROR!

Jimmy Dean Blueberry Pancakes & Sausage On A Stick doesn’t actually have any blueberries in it. It’s just corn syrup dyed purple. They’re pretty damn gross. Americans are weird.

photo of larry the cable guy beer batter and buttermilk biscuits boxes
Ew. Ew. Ew.

Larry the Cable Guy branded food, eh? Are the biscuits 75% forearm hair, then?

 

That is all for today! Go eat something gross! That’s what I’m going to do!

Instagram Dump #9

a closeup photo of a blush makeup brush
FLUFFY!

I wonder what kind of animal had to die to make this brush?

a photo of a knitting needle gauge packaged in a large box
WHY?

I was flabbergasted by the amount of waste here. They should have packaged this in an envelope.

a closeup photo of a flat, silver chain
OFF THE CHAIN!

I need to stop overusing the Instagram filters.

a blurry photo of some rusty old keys
On of these is the key to my heart.

This is my damn cellphone working against me, again. This would have been a very nice photo, but, for the life of me, I just couldn’t get my cellphone to focus. I really shouldn’t have dropped it so many times.

a photo of a small wrench closeup
IT’S A TOOL!

Bleh. Blurry cellphone, again.

I got this teeny tiny wrench in a set of tiny multitools. I have no idea what the Hell you would even do with a wrench this tiny. You can’t achieve any torque at all.

a photo of a nongshim shrimp cracker closeup
YUMMY!

This looks like a cheese puff, but it’s actually a shrimp cracker. It’s made with real shrimp. It tastes like the sea.

a photo of some cooked pork riblets on a metal tray
TASTY!

I like to make ribs in my slow cooker. Afterwards, I put them under the broiler for a few minutes to caramelize the sauce.

a photo of some chunked-up butter
BUTTERY!

I use a bunch of butter in everything. I’m going to have a heart attack.

a photo of an egg with a face drawn on it in marker
Wuh?

I drew a creepy face on an egg. Dunno why.

a photo of a potato closeup on a plate
STARCHY!

I really like potatoes. Carbs are good.

a macro photo of a metal spring
SPRINGY!

Damn, that is a lot of noise. I really, really need to get a cellphone with a better camera.

a closeup photo of some rusty old keys
These guys again?

I tried getting another photo of those keys. They’re still too blurry.

a dark photo of a glass fill with rose wine
Demonic Drink

This was some rosé, if I recall correctly. I don’t know why I wanted it to look so creepy.

a marco photo of a fudgee-o
FUDGEY! O!

Fudgee-Os taste nothing like fudge.

a photo of five bananas lined up
Banana Line Dance

I got this Yonanas dealie that makes frozen banana treats, so I need a lot of bananas.

a photo of bananas arranged in a pinwheel shape
So Many Bananas!

This is pretty, but it attracted so many fruit flies.

a photo of five tomatoes on the vine
Lycopene!

I always figured that these tomatoes on the vine were some sort of scam. They leave the vine on so that they can say that they’re “vine-ripened”, even though they ripened while being shipped.

a photo of a necklace with two crocodiles covered in rhinestones
Sparkly!

I got this necklace for my birthday. It’s a real sparkly statement piece. It’s hella heavy, though.

a photo of a very rusty old cookie pan
RUSTY!

This cookie sheet has seen better days. I’m going to keep using it, though.

a black and white photo of a closet doors and one is missing its handle
Who needs two?

One of the closet’s doors is missing its handle. Someone should fix that.

Well, that’s all for today’s dump. I’m going to try to take more photos, so you should be seeing these dumps more often.

Dumps.

Instagram Dump #8

D-d-d-dump! Instagram dump!

a photo of a path dug through a snowbank
The Way Through

There were a lot of large, solid chunks of ice in this snowbank. This was really annoying to dig through.

a photo of a box of very old unsweetened baker's chocolate
Tasty?

I found this ancient box of Baker’s Chocolate in my dead grandmother’s cupboard. It must be forty-years-old, or more!

a photo of a red faceted crystal pandora-type bead
SPARKLY!

This is a knockoff Pandora bracelet bead. It cost me about $0.07 from an online craft store. A real Pandora bead will cost you about $100 and be the exact same thing.

a photo of two yellow gel capsule pills, on is bigger than the other
DRUGS ARE GOOD FOR YOU!

I believe one of these pills was ibuprofen and the other was vitamin d.

a photo of four double pointed bamboo knitting needles
POINTY!

These are knitting needles. I’m into old lady crafts.

a photo four rings of different colours and textures closeup
RING A-DING DING

Rings are my favourite kind of jewellery. They’re hard to find for me, though, because my hands are really tiny.

a photo of a sim card ejection tool closeup
POIKY!

It’s my sim card ejection tool, that I have somehow magically not managed to lose yet.

a photo of a turquoise rubber band closeup
STRETCHY!

It’s a rubber band. Yup.

a photo of a broken shirt zipper closeup
GRAGH!

They need to invent some sort of device for protecting zippers in the wash, because mine are always breaking long before my clothes wear out.

a photo of five silver paper clips close up
CLIPPY!

I never use paper clips. I just put all my papers in a giant pile on my desk.

a photo of a thin metal tool
What is this?

I have no idea what this tool is for. It came in a manicure set, so I guess it’s for scraping gunk out from under your nails?

a photo of a blister pack full of small white pills
DRUGS ARE TASTY!

This is loratadine. I need loratadine to survive April through October. I am allergic to grass. Seriously.

a photo of three different types of glasses filled with water
GLASSY!

I have a bunch of different styles of glasses. I have no idea what are the proper drinks to pour into them.

a photo of some chicken thighs cooked with onions
COOKING IS FUN!

This is chickened thighs cooked with onions. It tasted good.

a macro photo of a sewing needle
SHARP!

This is a darning needle. I’ve never darned anything.

a photo of twelve different earbud tips
I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!

These are a bunch of different earbud tips. They always give you a bunch of different sizes when you buy earbuds and I can never throw them out.

a photo of a giant snowbank next to a sidewalk at night
SNOWY!

In some places, the snowbank was taller than me this winter. It was really depressing.

a photo of a sunbeam mightycell 9-volt battery
POWERFUL!

You can see the reflection of my cellphone and hands in the battery.

a photo of  a large pile of carrots sticks on a plate
NUTRITION!

I eat a lot of carrots, but I’m not orange, yet.

a photo of two upside down bottle caps
DRINKY!

I had two beers.

This is the end. Go away.

Instagram Dump #7

This is going to be my last Instagram Dump for a while, thank Satan. I hope you relish as much as I.

a photo of a red cellphone stylus
Stylin’

This is the stylus I use when I make stupid doodles on my cellphone.

a photo of a blue and white knitting project in progress
KNITTY!

This is from a sweater I was knitting in syncopated brioche stitch. It still isn’t done.

a photo of a pumpkin surrounded by bottles of apple juice next to some christmas wrapping paper in a grocery store
Weird.

I thought this was a weird juxtaposition: Halloween stuff next to Christmas stuff.

a photo of a green mug full of tea
Comfy!

I always drink tea out of a mug, instead of a cup. It makes British people angry.

a photo of a reese big cup wrapper
CHOCOLATEY! PEANUTTY!

I was proud of myself for getting this wrapper open all in one piece. Note: Reese Big Cups aren’t actually that big. They’re just the size that the cups used to be when I was a kid.

a photo of four twisted metal rings in four different colours
RINGY!

I photographed these rings at kind of a weird angle. They look all Dutch and stuff.

a photo of six halloween smarties scaries boxes
YUMMY!

I ordered these Smarties Scaries to give out on Halloween, but they arrived well after, so I was forced to eat them all myself. It was awful.

a photo of a plubob usb drive from the sims 3 collector's edition
PLUBOBBY!

This plubob USB drive/keychain came with The Sims 3 Collector’s Edition. It only holds 2gb, so it’s next to useless, but it sure is pretty.

a photo of a dutch baby pancake
DUTCHY!

I went through this phase where I kept having Dutch babies for breakfast. I really need to get a cast iron skillet to do them properly, though.

a photo of the inside of a kaleidoscope, it features blue, pink, red and yellow crystals
SPARKLY!

I really like taking kaleidoscope photos.

a photo of the inside of a kaleidoscope it is full of blue, yellow, red, purple and orange crystals
CRAZY!

I really, really like taking kaleidoscope photos.

a photo of a wall with a large piece of plaster missing
Ouch.

A large chunk was taken out of this wall when my mother dropped a piece of furniture out of the attic.

a photo of a dead leaf sitting on a brick floor
LEAFY!

This lead represents Autumn.

a photo of an assortment of rings arranged in a geometric pattern
To many rings!

This would have looked way better, if only my stupid phone could focus.

a photo of a aloha hawaii strawberry kiwi eos lip balm, a passion fruit eos lip balm, a st. barth's sunrise pink grapefruit eos lip balm and an indian summer orange blossom eos lip balm
BALMY!

I own way too many EOS lip balms.

a photo of assorted sleeman beer bottle caps arranged in a triangular patter
BEERY!

Getting artsy-fartsy with beer.

 

a photo of a chicken cooking in a slow cooker
CHICKENY!

I love cooking chickens in my slow cooker. They come out very tender.

a photo of a roasted chicken and vegetables in a pan
CRISPY!

I usually put the chicken and the vegetable under the broiler, after slow cooking them, to crisp up the outsides a little.

a photo of a path dug through a snowbank
SNOWY!

This is a path that I dug through a snowbank. It was hard, because the only shovel I had at my disposal was a flimsy plastic one.

a photo of a snowdrift reaching almost up to the windows of a house
VERY SNOWY!

It snowed way, way too much. I don’t think it’s all going to melt until June.

That’s all for now. See you later. Or not.

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