Instagram Dump #9

a closeup photo of a blush makeup brush
FLUFFY!

I wonder what kind of animal had to die to make this brush?

a photo of a knitting needle gauge packaged in a large box
WHY?

I was flabbergasted by the amount of waste here. They should have packaged this in an envelope.

a closeup photo of a flat, silver chain
OFF THE CHAIN!

I need to stop overusing the Instagram filters.

a blurry photo of some rusty old keys
On of these is the key to my heart.

This is my damn cellphone working against me, again. This would have been a very nice photo, but, for the life of me, I just couldn’t get my cellphone to focus. I really shouldn’t have dropped it so many times.

a photo of a small wrench closeup
IT’S A TOOL!

Bleh. Blurry cellphone, again.

I got this teeny tiny wrench in a set of tiny multitools. I have no idea what the Hell you would even do with a wrench this tiny. You can’t achieve any torque at all.

a photo of a nongshim shrimp cracker closeup
YUMMY!

This looks like a cheese puff, but it’s actually a shrimp cracker. It’s made with real shrimp. It tastes like the sea.

a photo of some cooked pork riblets on a metal tray
TASTY!

I like to make ribs in my slow cooker. Afterwards, I put them under the broiler for a few minutes to caramelize the sauce.

a photo of some chunked-up butter
BUTTERY!

I use a bunch of butter in everything. I’m going to have a heart attack.

a photo of an egg with a face drawn on it in marker
Wuh?

I drew a creepy face on an egg. Dunno why.

a photo of a potato closeup on a plate
STARCHY!

I really like potatoes. Carbs are good.

a macro photo of a metal spring
SPRINGY!

Damn, that is a lot of noise. I really, really need to get a cellphone with a better camera.

a closeup photo of some rusty old keys
These guys again?

I tried getting another photo of those keys. They’re still too blurry.

a dark photo of a glass fill with rose wine
Demonic Drink

This was some rosé, if I recall correctly. I don’t know why I wanted it to look so creepy.

a marco photo of a fudgee-o
FUDGEY! O!

Fudgee-Os taste nothing like fudge.

a photo of five bananas lined up
Banana Line Dance

I got this Yonanas dealie that makes frozen banana treats, so I need a lot of bananas.

a photo of bananas arranged in a pinwheel shape
So Many Bananas!

This is pretty, but it attracted so many fruit flies.

a photo of five tomatoes on the vine
Lycopene!

I always figured that these tomatoes on the vine were some sort of scam. They leave the vine on so that they can say that they’re “vine-ripened”, even though they ripened while being shipped.

a photo of a necklace with two crocodiles covered in rhinestones
Sparkly!

I got this necklace for my birthday. It’s a real sparkly statement piece. It’s hella heavy, though.

a photo of a very rusty old cookie pan
RUSTY!

This cookie sheet has seen better days. I’m going to keep using it, though.

a black and white photo of a closet doors and one is missing its handle
Who needs two?

One of the closet’s doors is missing its handle. Someone should fix that.

Well, that’s all for today’s dump. I’m going to try to take more photos, so you should be seeing these dumps more often.

Dumps.

Instagram Dump #8

D-d-d-dump! Instagram dump!

a photo of a path dug through a snowbank
The Way Through

There were a lot of large, solid chunks of ice in this snowbank. This was really annoying to dig through.

a photo of a box of very old unsweetened baker's chocolate
Tasty?

I found this ancient box of Baker’s Chocolate in my dead grandmother’s cupboard. It must be forty-years-old, or more!

a photo of a red faceted crystal pandora-type bead
SPARKLY!

This is a knockoff Pandora bracelet bead. It cost me about $0.07 from an online craft store. A real Pandora bead will cost you about $100 and be the exact same thing.

a photo of two yellow gel capsule pills, on is bigger than the other
DRUGS ARE GOOD FOR YOU!

I believe one of these pills was ibuprofen and the other was vitamin d.

a photo of four double pointed bamboo knitting needles
POINTY!

These are knitting needles. I’m into old lady crafts.

a photo four rings of different colours and textures closeup
RING A-DING DING

Rings are my favourite kind of jewellery. They’re hard to find for me, though, because my hands are really tiny.

a photo of a sim card ejection tool closeup
POIKY!

It’s my sim card ejection tool, that I have somehow magically not managed to lose yet.

a photo of a turquoise rubber band closeup
STRETCHY!

It’s a rubber band. Yup.

a photo of a broken shirt zipper closeup
GRAGH!

They need to invent some sort of device for protecting zippers in the wash, because mine are always breaking long before my clothes wear out.

a photo of five silver paper clips close up
CLIPPY!

I never use paper clips. I just put all my papers in a giant pile on my desk.

a photo of a thin metal tool
What is this?

I have no idea what this tool is for. It came in a manicure set, so I guess it’s for scraping gunk out from under your nails?

a photo of a blister pack full of small white pills
DRUGS ARE TASTY!

This is loratadine. I need loratadine to survive April through October. I am allergic to grass. Seriously.

a photo of three different types of glasses filled with water
GLASSY!

I have a bunch of different styles of glasses. I have no idea what are the proper drinks to pour into them.

a photo of some chicken thighs cooked with onions
COOKING IS FUN!

This is chickened thighs cooked with onions. It tasted good.

a macro photo of a sewing needle
SHARP!

This is a darning needle. I’ve never darned anything.

a photo of twelve different earbud tips
I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!

These are a bunch of different earbud tips. They always give you a bunch of different sizes when you buy earbuds and I can never throw them out.

a photo of a giant snowbank next to a sidewalk at night
SNOWY!

In some places, the snowbank was taller than me this winter. It was really depressing.

a photo of a sunbeam mightycell 9-volt battery
POWERFUL!

You can see the reflection of my cellphone and hands in the battery.

a photo of  a large pile of carrots sticks on a plate
NUTRITION!

I eat a lot of carrots, but I’m not orange, yet.

a photo of two upside down bottle caps
DRINKY!

I had two beers.

This is the end. Go away.

Instagram Dump #7

This is going to be my last Instagram Dump for a while, thank Satan. I hope you relish as much as I.

a photo of a red cellphone stylus
Stylin’

This is the stylus I use when I make stupid doodles on my cellphone.

a photo of a blue and white knitting project in progress
KNITTY!

This is from a sweater I was knitting in syncopated brioche stitch. It still isn’t done.

a photo of a pumpkin surrounded by bottles of apple juice next to some christmas wrapping paper in a grocery store
Weird.

I thought this was a weird juxtaposition: Halloween stuff next to Christmas stuff.

a photo of a green mug full of tea
Comfy!

I always drink tea out of a mug, instead of a cup. It makes British people angry.

a photo of a reese big cup wrapper
CHOCOLATEY! PEANUTTY!

I was proud of myself for getting this wrapper open all in one piece. Note: Reese Big Cups aren’t actually that big. They’re just the size that the cups used to be when I was a kid.

a photo of four twisted metal rings in four different colours
RINGY!

I photographed these rings at kind of a weird angle. They look all Dutch and stuff.

a photo of six halloween smarties scaries boxes
YUMMY!

I ordered these Smarties Scaries to give out on Halloween, but they arrived well after, so I was forced to eat them all myself. It was awful.

a photo of a plubob usb drive from the sims 3 collector's edition
PLUBOBBY!

This plubob USB drive/keychain came with The Sims 3 Collector’s Edition. It only holds 2gb, so it’s next to useless, but it sure is pretty.

a photo of a dutch baby pancake
DUTCHY!

I went through this phase where I kept having Dutch babies for breakfast. I really need to get a cast iron skillet to do them properly, though.

a photo of the inside of a kaleidoscope, it features blue, pink, red and yellow crystals
SPARKLY!

I really like taking kaleidoscope photos.

a photo of the inside of a kaleidoscope it is full of blue, yellow, red, purple and orange crystals
CRAZY!

I really, really like taking kaleidoscope photos.

a photo of a wall with a large piece of plaster missing
Ouch.

A large chunk was taken out of this wall when my mother dropped a piece of furniture out of the attic.

a photo of a dead leaf sitting on a brick floor
LEAFY!

This lead represents Autumn.

a photo of an assortment of rings arranged in a geometric pattern
To many rings!

This would have looked way better, if only my stupid phone could focus.

a photo of a aloha hawaii strawberry kiwi eos lip balm, a passion fruit eos lip balm, a st. barth's sunrise pink grapefruit eos lip balm and an indian summer orange blossom eos lip balm
BALMY!

I own way too many EOS lip balms.

a photo of assorted sleeman beer bottle caps arranged in a triangular patter
BEERY!

Getting artsy-fartsy with beer.

 

a photo of a chicken cooking in a slow cooker
CHICKENY!

I love cooking chickens in my slow cooker. They come out very tender.

a photo of a roasted chicken and vegetables in a pan
CRISPY!

I usually put the chicken and the vegetable under the broiler, after slow cooking them, to crisp up the outsides a little.

a photo of a path dug through a snowbank
SNOWY!

This is a path that I dug through a snowbank. It was hard, because the only shovel I had at my disposal was a flimsy plastic one.

a photo of a snowdrift reaching almost up to the windows of a house
VERY SNOWY!

It snowed way, way too much. I don’t think it’s all going to melt until June.

That’s all for now. See you later. Or not.

Instagram Dump #6

More Instagram photos? When will this end? Haven’t we all suffered enough?

a photo of a whole tonne of cookies on a plate
YUMMY!

I really, really like cookies.

a photo of some old potatoes that have sprung roots
…Yummy?

Is it a good idea to eat potatoes when they have grown roots this long?

a photo of cookies on a tray that have spread out too much
Weird.

These cookies spread out too much. Sometimes you have to chill your dough before you bake it.

a photo of some letters that spell out "TOMER KING"
Hail to the king!

Who is the Tomer King?

a photo of a metal and rubber bottle stopper
SHINY!

This is a bottle stopper. Why would anyone want to stop wine?

a photo of a gummy cherry, gummy strawberry, gummy rootbeer, gummy shark and gummy worm on a plate
SWEET!

I really need to be kinder to my teeth…

a photo of a bowl of chili
Ew.

I used a yellow filter to make this chili look extra gross.

a photo of a giant pile of packaging air bags
So, so wasteful.

If I recalled correctly, all of these air bags were needed to protect a lip balm.

a photo of two topslice hotdog buns on a plate
Huh?

They were all out of normal hotdog buns at the grocery store, so I had to get these rectangular monstrosities.

a photo of a pair of pineapple shaped earrings
PRETTY!

These are my pineapple earrings. I don’t even like pineapple.

a photo of a sleeman honey brown lager label
TASTY!

Sometimes, Americans ask me if my favourite beer is Molson or LaBatt’s and I just laugh ruefully. Ah, Sleeman, a beer so good, we won’t let them sell it in the United States.

a photo of a large fallen branch
WOODEN!

This large branch was downed during Hurricane Arthur.

a photo of some strange yellow sprouts
What?

I don’t know what these yellow things are. Wild alfalfa sprouts? If you know what these are, tell me in the comments.

a photo of a rubik's cube with pictures of clown on all the squares
Creepy.

This is like the puzzle box from Hellraiser. What do you call a Rubik’s Cube that isn’t actually Rubik’s brand?

a photo of a yonanas machine squirting out banana goo
YUMMY!

I got myself a Yonanas machine so that I could have delicious frozen banana goop desserts.

a photo of a hungry man mexican fiesta box
Ew.

I ate the Hungry-Man Mexican Fiesta and then I died of some sort of poisoning.

a photo of two smores pop-tarts on a plate
TASTY!

I ate the Smores Pop-Tarts and then I died of some sort of poisoning.

a photo of a yellow green crayon and a green yellow crayon
Someone divided by zero!

Shouldn’t these be the same colour?

a photo of eleven different coloured nail polishes
Colourful!

Eleven nail polishes? Why, that’s a different colour for every one of my fingers!

a photo of a bottle of blue cuticle oil
Blue!

This is some cuticle oil and it’s not nearly as good as the cuticle oil that I had bought previously from The Body Shop.

That’s all for now. I’m going back to bed.

Instagram Dump #5

BLAH. BLAH. BLAH. Instagram. BLAH. BLAH. BLAH.

a photo of a raw cornish hen on a plate
YUMMY!

This was the Cornish hen that I cooked for Christmas. It just tasted like a regular chicken. I was very disappointed.

a photo of a slinky in an arch
Everybody loves this guy!

This Slinky sits on my desk to this day.

a photo of a blue bow with a heart in the middle
PRETTY!

This is a hair clip that I’d wear, only it doesn’t seem to want to hold all my hair.

a photo of the inside of a kaleidoscope, includes green red and purple crystals
Rotational Symmetry!

Holding a kaleidoscope in one hand and taking a picture of the inside with the other, is really hard.

a photo of a three wires with beads on both ends, they are in a star-shaped configuration
Huh?

These wire with beads on the ends were attached to my Christmas crackers.

a black&white photo of a hair clip shaped like a butterfly
…Pretty?

I was trying to make this butterfly hair clip look creepy.

a photo of some shredded paper in a cardboard box
SHREDDY!

I got some smelly junk from The Body Shop in this box.

a photo of a utili-kep
SHARP!

This is a Swiss Tech Utili-Key. It’s supposed to have, like, thirty uses, but it’s mostly just good for accidentally cutting yourself with.

a photo of some instant hot chocolate mix with marshmallows
CHOCOLATEY!

Those tiny marshmallows instantly dissolved when the water hit them.

a photo of a box of holiday edition candy cane viva puffs
MINTY!

The mint and marshmallow mix of these candy cane Viva Puffs was pretty tasty, but the green dye they used was pretty off-putting.

a photo of a dented can with no label
DENTY!

This can is dented and labelless. It is a scary mystery.

a photo of a frozen pizza with all the pepperoni shifted to one side
Great job at being a pizza, asshole.

Is there anything more depressing than a cruddy frozen pizza with all the toppings jumbled around?

a photo of a box of used stamps
STAMPY!

My grandmother saved every stamp she got in the mail.

a photo of a box of pirate peanut butter cookies
PEANUTTY!

Apparently, Pirate cookies are only available in Canada.

a photo of a valentine for the internet, it says "i wuv you internet"
LOVEY DOVEY!

I don’t actually love you, internet. I lied.

a photo of a bag of whole chicken with a warning that reads "may contain kidneys"
YUMMY!

The chicken may contain kidneys? What if kidneys are my favourite part of the chicken? MUST CONTAIN KIDNEYS!

a photo of a bottle of great white white wine
Ew.

Great White White Wine is a fortified wine and it’s the worst thing ever. Colloquially it’s know as “Shark Piss”. It’s only sold in the Maritimes. I think that it’s illegal in the rest of the country.

a photo of a bunch of packing air bags
WASTEFUL!

I think all these air bags were used to protect a package of gum.

a photo of a graveyard
SPOOKY!

This graveyard photo was way spookier before Instagram processed it.

a photo of a public telephone outdoors
PHONEY!

Yes, public telephones still exist. Although, I’m not sure if this one is still in service. I should have picked the receiver up and listened for a dial tone.

BLAH. BLAH. BLAH. UNTIL NEXT TIME. BLAH. BLAH. BLAH.

Instagram Dump #4

I know you’re dying for more photos from my craptastical Instagram account, and I shall not disappoint you, my lovelies!

a photo of some plaid airwalk sneakers in their box
SNEAKY!

I love sneakers. They’re practically the only things I ever wear on my feet.

a photo of a daddy long legs on a wall
*SKREE*

This daddy long legs was on my bedroom wall. Spying on me, it was.

a photo of a spider hanging upside-down
Spooky.

I like spiders, actually because they eat critters that I don’t like.

a photo of a box of twinning chai pumpkin spice tea
Yummy!

This chai tea didn’t really taste like pumpkins at all.

a black-and-white photo of an attic
Creepy.

This is my dead grandparent’s attic. The ladder leading to it is right next to the stairs, so your likelihood of killing yourself entering or exiting the attic is high.

a photo of a creepy closet
STORAGE!

This is the weird closet in my dead grandparent’s basement. It had some sort of weird nest in the corner.

a photo of some creepy stairs leading to a basement
Don’t trip!

These are the stairs in my dead grandparent’s house. The handrail looks like some sort of animals clawed it up.

a photo of an old worktable
Quaint

This is my dead grandfather’s worktable. He used to do framing for art.

a photo of a pandora charm bracelet knockoff
PRETTY!

This looks like a Pandora charm bracelet… But it’s not.

a photo of two brownies sitting on a plate
TASTY!

Why, yes, I did need two brownies.

a photo of weirdly-shaped pork chops
PORKY!

I need to stop buying garbage cuts of meat.

a photo of a sensations british chocolate and toffee assortment tin
Chocolatey!

Yum! Nothing like the Sobey’s store brand sweets.

a photo of fifteen chocolate wrappers on a table
15 Chocolate Wrappers

Day one of eating chocolate…

a photo of twenty-eight chocolate wrappers on a table
28 Chocolate Wrappers

Day two of eating chocolate…

a photo of forty-two chocolate wrappers on a table
42 Chocolate Wrappers

Day three of eating chocolate…

a photo of fifty-one chocolate wrappers on a table
51 Chocolate Wrappers

Day four of eating chocolate…

a photo of fifty-seven chocolate wrappers on a table
57 Chocolate Wrappers

Day five of eating chocolates and then there were no more chocolates to be had, but, like, they were only little chocolates, so I’m not a pig or nothing. *shifty eyes*

a photo of an envelope from the nova scotia home for colored children
Ew.

I got a letter in the mail soliciting donation for The Nova Scotia How For Colored Children. Who uses the term “colored” anymore? Why the Hell would they I’d give money to them? Apparently, a bunch of children were abused there, so, really, the balls on these people daring to ask for money.

a photo of some carrots, celery, tomatoes, onions and garlic all chopped up
Nutritious!

All these vegetables were for a slow cooker recipe. I forget what meat they were cooked with.

a photo of some christmas presents and christmas crackers on a carpet
FESTIVE!

Two of those things are Christmas crackers. I hear that they don’t have crackers in the United States for their holidays? That seems sad.

Done with this post, but there’s still so much more. SO MUCH MORE!