Instagram Dump #9

a closeup photo of a blush makeup brush

I wonder what kind of animal had to die to make this brush?

a photo of a knitting needle gauge packaged in a large box

I was flabbergasted by the amount of waste here. They should have packaged this in an envelope.

a closeup photo of a flat, silver chain

I need to stop overusing the Instagram filters.

a blurry photo of some rusty old keys
On of these is the key to my heart.

This is my damn cellphone working against me, again. This would have been a very nice photo, but, for the life of me, I just couldn’t get my cellphone to focus. I really shouldn’t have dropped it so many times.

a photo of a small wrench closeup

Bleh. Blurry cellphone, again.

I got this teeny tiny wrench in a set of tiny multitools. I have no idea what the Hell you would even do with a wrench this tiny. You can’t achieve any torque at all.

a photo of a nongshim shrimp cracker closeup

This looks like a cheese puff, but it’s actually a shrimp cracker. It’s made with real shrimp. It tastes like the sea.

a photo of some cooked pork riblets on a metal tray

I like to make ribs in my slow cooker. Afterwards, I put them under the broiler for a few minutes to caramelize the sauce.

a photo of some chunked-up butter

I use a bunch of butter in everything. I’m going to have a heart attack.

a photo of an egg with a face drawn on it in marker

I drew a creepy face on an egg. Dunno why.

a photo of a potato closeup on a plate

I really like potatoes. Carbs are good.

a macro photo of a metal spring

Damn, that is a lot of noise. I really, really need to get a cellphone with a better camera.

a closeup photo of some rusty old keys
These guys again?

I tried getting another photo of those keys. They’re still too blurry.

a dark photo of a glass fill with rose wine
Demonic Drink

This was some rosé, if I recall correctly. I don’t know why I wanted it to look so creepy.

a marco photo of a fudgee-o

Fudgee-Os taste nothing like fudge.

a photo of five bananas lined up
Banana Line Dance

I got this Yonanas dealie that makes frozen banana treats, so I need a lot of bananas.

a photo of bananas arranged in a pinwheel shape
So Many Bananas!

This is pretty, but it attracted so many fruit flies.

a photo of five tomatoes on the vine

I always figured that these tomatoes on the vine were some sort of scam. They leave the vine on so that they can say that they’re “vine-ripened”, even though they ripened while being shipped.

a photo of a necklace with two crocodiles covered in rhinestones

I got this necklace for my birthday. It’s a real sparkly statement piece. It’s hella heavy, though.

a photo of a very rusty old cookie pan

This cookie sheet has seen better days. I’m going to keep using it, though.

a black and white photo of a closet doors and one is missing its handle
Who needs two?

One of the closet’s doors is missing its handle. Someone should fix that.

Well, that’s all for today’s dump. I’m going to try to take more photos, so you should be seeing these dumps more often.


Instagram Dump #8

D-d-d-dump! Instagram dump!

a photo of a path dug through a snowbank
The Way Through

There were a lot of large, solid chunks of ice in this snowbank. This was really annoying to dig through.

a photo of a box of very old unsweetened baker's chocolate

I found this ancient box of Baker’s Chocolate in my dead grandmother’s cupboard. It must be forty-years-old, or more!

a photo of a red faceted crystal pandora-type bead

This is a knockoff Pandora bracelet bead. It cost me about $0.07 from an online craft store. A real Pandora bead will cost you about $100 and be the exact same thing.

a photo of two yellow gel capsule pills, on is bigger than the other

I believe one of these pills was ibuprofen and the other was vitamin d.

a photo of four double pointed bamboo knitting needles

These are knitting needles. I’m into old lady crafts.

a photo four rings of different colours and textures closeup

Rings are my favourite kind of jewellery. They’re hard to find for me, though, because my hands are really tiny.

a photo of a sim card ejection tool closeup

It’s my sim card ejection tool, that I have somehow magically not managed to lose yet.

a photo of a turquoise rubber band closeup

It’s a rubber band. Yup.

a photo of a broken shirt zipper closeup

They need to invent some sort of device for protecting zippers in the wash, because mine are always breaking long before my clothes wear out.

a photo of five silver paper clips close up

I never use paper clips. I just put all my papers in a giant pile on my desk.

a photo of a thin metal tool
What is this?

I have no idea what this tool is for. It came in a manicure set, so I guess it’s for scraping gunk out from under your nails?

a photo of a blister pack full of small white pills

This is loratadine. I need loratadine to survive April through October. I am allergic to grass. Seriously.

a photo of three different types of glasses filled with water

I have a bunch of different styles of glasses. I have no idea what are the proper drinks to pour into them.

a photo of some chicken thighs cooked with onions

This is chickened thighs cooked with onions. It tasted good.

a macro photo of a sewing needle

This is a darning needle. I’ve never darned anything.

a photo of twelve different earbud tips

These are a bunch of different earbud tips. They always give you a bunch of different sizes when you buy earbuds and I can never throw them out.

a photo of a giant snowbank next to a sidewalk at night

In some places, the snowbank was taller than me this winter. It was really depressing.

a photo of a sunbeam mightycell 9-volt battery

You can see the reflection of my cellphone and hands in the battery.

a photo of  a large pile of carrots sticks on a plate

I eat a lot of carrots, but I’m not orange, yet.

a photo of two upside down bottle caps

I had two beers.

This is the end. Go away.

Instagram Dump #7

This is going to be my last Instagram Dump for a while, thank Satan. I hope you relish as much as I.

a photo of a red cellphone stylus

This is the stylus I use when I make stupid doodles on my cellphone.

a photo of a blue and white knitting project in progress

This is from a sweater I was knitting in syncopated brioche stitch. It still isn’t done.

a photo of a pumpkin surrounded by bottles of apple juice next to some christmas wrapping paper in a grocery store

I thought this was a weird juxtaposition: Halloween stuff next to Christmas stuff.

a photo of a green mug full of tea

I always drink tea out of a mug, instead of a cup. It makes British people angry.

a photo of a reese big cup wrapper

I was proud of myself for getting this wrapper open all in one piece. Note: Reese Big Cups aren’t actually that big. They’re just the size that the cups used to be when I was a kid.

a photo of four twisted metal rings in four different colours

I photographed these rings at kind of a weird angle. They look all Dutch and stuff.

a photo of six halloween smarties scaries boxes

I ordered these Smarties Scaries to give out on Halloween, but they arrived well after, so I was forced to eat them all myself. It was awful.

a photo of a plubob usb drive from the sims 3 collector's edition

This plubob USB drive/keychain came with The Sims 3 Collector’s Edition. It only holds 2gb, so it’s next to useless, but it sure is pretty.

a photo of a dutch baby pancake

I went through this phase where I kept having Dutch babies for breakfast. I really need to get a cast iron skillet to do them properly, though.

a photo of the inside of a kaleidoscope, it features blue, pink, red and yellow crystals

I really like taking kaleidoscope photos.

a photo of the inside of a kaleidoscope it is full of blue, yellow, red, purple and orange crystals

I really, really like taking kaleidoscope photos.

a photo of a wall with a large piece of plaster missing

A large chunk was taken out of this wall when my mother dropped a piece of furniture out of the attic.

a photo of a dead leaf sitting on a brick floor

This lead represents Autumn.

a photo of an assortment of rings arranged in a geometric pattern
To many rings!

This would have looked way better, if only my stupid phone could focus.

a photo of a aloha hawaii strawberry kiwi eos lip balm, a passion fruit eos lip balm, a st. barth's sunrise pink grapefruit eos lip balm and an indian summer orange blossom eos lip balm

I own way too many EOS lip balms.

a photo of assorted sleeman beer bottle caps arranged in a triangular patter

Getting artsy-fartsy with beer.


a photo of a chicken cooking in a slow cooker

I love cooking chickens in my slow cooker. They come out very tender.

a photo of a roasted chicken and vegetables in a pan

I usually put the chicken and the vegetable under the broiler, after slow cooking them, to crisp up the outsides a little.

a photo of a path dug through a snowbank

This is a path that I dug through a snowbank. It was hard, because the only shovel I had at my disposal was a flimsy plastic one.

a photo of a snowdrift reaching almost up to the windows of a house

It snowed way, way too much. I don’t think it’s all going to melt until June.

That’s all for now. See you later. Or not.

Instagram Dump #6

More Instagram photos? When will this end? Haven’t we all suffered enough?

a photo of a whole tonne of cookies on a plate

I really, really like cookies.

a photo of some old potatoes that have sprung roots

Is it a good idea to eat potatoes when they have grown roots this long?

a photo of cookies on a tray that have spread out too much

These cookies spread out too much. Sometimes you have to chill your dough before you bake it.

a photo of some letters that spell out "TOMER KING"
Hail to the king!

Who is the Tomer King?

a photo of a metal and rubber bottle stopper

This is a bottle stopper. Why would anyone want to stop wine?

a photo of a gummy cherry, gummy strawberry, gummy rootbeer, gummy shark and gummy worm on a plate

I really need to be kinder to my teeth…

a photo of a bowl of chili

I used a yellow filter to make this chili look extra gross.

a photo of a giant pile of packaging air bags
So, so wasteful.

If I recalled correctly, all of these air bags were needed to protect a lip balm.

a photo of two topslice hotdog buns on a plate

They were all out of normal hotdog buns at the grocery store, so I had to get these rectangular monstrosities.

a photo of a pair of pineapple shaped earrings

These are my pineapple earrings. I don’t even like pineapple.

a photo of a sleeman honey brown lager label

Sometimes, Americans ask me if my favourite beer is Molson or LaBatt’s and I just laugh ruefully. Ah, Sleeman, a beer so good, we won’t let them sell it in the United States.

a photo of a large fallen branch

This large branch was downed during Hurricane Arthur.

a photo of some strange yellow sprouts

I don’t know what these yellow things are. Wild alfalfa sprouts? If you know what these are, tell me in the comments.

a photo of a rubik's cube with pictures of clown on all the squares

This is like the puzzle box from Hellraiser. What do you call a Rubik’s Cube that isn’t actually Rubik’s brand?

a photo of a yonanas machine squirting out banana goo

I got myself a Yonanas machine so that I could have delicious frozen banana goop desserts.

a photo of a hungry man mexican fiesta box

I ate the Hungry-Man Mexican Fiesta and then I died of some sort of poisoning.

a photo of two smores pop-tarts on a plate

I ate the Smores Pop-Tarts and then I died of some sort of poisoning.

a photo of a yellow green crayon and a green yellow crayon
Someone divided by zero!

Shouldn’t these be the same colour?

a photo of eleven different coloured nail polishes

Eleven nail polishes? Why, that’s a different colour for every one of my fingers!

a photo of a bottle of blue cuticle oil

This is some cuticle oil and it’s not nearly as good as the cuticle oil that I had bought previously from The Body Shop.

That’s all for now. I’m going back to bed.

Instagram Dump #5


a photo of a raw cornish hen on a plate

This was the Cornish hen that I cooked for Christmas. It just tasted like a regular chicken. I was very disappointed.

a photo of a slinky in an arch
Everybody loves this guy!

This Slinky sits on my desk to this day.

a photo of a blue bow with a heart in the middle

This is a hair clip that I’d wear, only it doesn’t seem to want to hold all my hair.

a photo of the inside of a kaleidoscope, includes green red and purple crystals
Rotational Symmetry!

Holding a kaleidoscope in one hand and taking a picture of the inside with the other, is really hard.

a photo of a three wires with beads on both ends, they are in a star-shaped configuration

These wire with beads on the ends were attached to my Christmas crackers.

a black&white photo of a hair clip shaped like a butterfly

I was trying to make this butterfly hair clip look creepy.

a photo of some shredded paper in a cardboard box

I got some smelly junk from The Body Shop in this box.

a photo of a utili-kep

This is a Swiss Tech Utili-Key. It’s supposed to have, like, thirty uses, but it’s mostly just good for accidentally cutting yourself with.

a photo of some instant hot chocolate mix with marshmallows

Those tiny marshmallows instantly dissolved when the water hit them.

a photo of a box of holiday edition candy cane viva puffs

The mint and marshmallow mix of these candy cane Viva Puffs was pretty tasty, but the green dye they used was pretty off-putting.

a photo of a dented can with no label

This can is dented and labelless. It is a scary mystery.

a photo of a frozen pizza with all the pepperoni shifted to one side
Great job at being a pizza, asshole.

Is there anything more depressing than a cruddy frozen pizza with all the toppings jumbled around?

a photo of a box of used stamps

My grandmother saved every stamp she got in the mail.

a photo of a box of pirate peanut butter cookies

Apparently, Pirate cookies are only available in Canada.

a photo of a valentine for the internet, it says "i wuv you internet"

I don’t actually love you, internet. I lied.

a photo of a bag of whole chicken with a warning that reads "may contain kidneys"

The chicken may contain kidneys? What if kidneys are my favourite part of the chicken? MUST CONTAIN KIDNEYS!

a photo of a bottle of great white white wine

Great White White Wine is a fortified wine and it’s the worst thing ever. Colloquially it’s know as “Shark Piss”. It’s only sold in the Maritimes. I think that it’s illegal in the rest of the country.

a photo of a bunch of packing air bags

I think all these air bags were used to protect a package of gum.

a photo of a graveyard

This graveyard photo was way spookier before Instagram processed it.

a photo of a public telephone outdoors

Yes, public telephones still exist. Although, I’m not sure if this one is still in service. I should have picked the receiver up and listened for a dial tone.


Instagram Dump #4

I know you’re dying for more photos from my craptastical Instagram account, and I shall not disappoint you, my lovelies!

a photo of some plaid airwalk sneakers in their box

I love sneakers. They’re practically the only things I ever wear on my feet.

a photo of a daddy long legs on a wall

This daddy long legs was on my bedroom wall. Spying on me, it was.

a photo of a spider hanging upside-down

I like spiders, actually because they eat critters that I don’t like.

a photo of a box of twinning chai pumpkin spice tea

This chai tea didn’t really taste like pumpkins at all.

a black-and-white photo of an attic

This is my dead grandparent’s attic. The ladder leading to it is right next to the stairs, so your likelihood of killing yourself entering or exiting the attic is high.

a photo of a creepy closet

This is the weird closet in my dead grandparent’s basement. It had some sort of weird nest in the corner.

a photo of some creepy stairs leading to a basement
Don’t trip!

These are the stairs in my dead grandparent’s house. The handrail looks like some sort of animals clawed it up.

a photo of an old worktable

This is my dead grandfather’s worktable. He used to do framing for art.

a photo of a pandora charm bracelet knockoff

This looks like a Pandora charm bracelet… But it’s not.

a photo of two brownies sitting on a plate

Why, yes, I did need two brownies.

a photo of weirdly-shaped pork chops

I need to stop buying garbage cuts of meat.

a photo of a sensations british chocolate and toffee assortment tin

Yum! Nothing like the Sobey’s store brand sweets.

a photo of fifteen chocolate wrappers on a table
15 Chocolate Wrappers

Day one of eating chocolate…

a photo of twenty-eight chocolate wrappers on a table
28 Chocolate Wrappers

Day two of eating chocolate…

a photo of forty-two chocolate wrappers on a table
42 Chocolate Wrappers

Day three of eating chocolate…

a photo of fifty-one chocolate wrappers on a table
51 Chocolate Wrappers

Day four of eating chocolate…

a photo of fifty-seven chocolate wrappers on a table
57 Chocolate Wrappers

Day five of eating chocolates and then there were no more chocolates to be had, but, like, they were only little chocolates, so I’m not a pig or nothing. *shifty eyes*

a photo of an envelope from the nova scotia home for colored children

I got a letter in the mail soliciting donation for The Nova Scotia How For Colored Children. Who uses the term “colored” anymore? Why the Hell would they I’d give money to them? Apparently, a bunch of children were abused there, so, really, the balls on these people daring to ask for money.

a photo of some carrots, celery, tomatoes, onions and garlic all chopped up

All these vegetables were for a slow cooker recipe. I forget what meat they were cooked with.

a photo of some christmas presents and christmas crackers on a carpet

Two of those things are Christmas crackers. I hear that they don’t have crackers in the United States for their holidays? That seems sad.

Done with this post, but there’s still so much more. SO MUCH MORE!