March 2015

This is going to be my last Instagram Dump for a while, thank Satan. I hope you relish as much as I.

This is the stylus I use when I make stupid doodles on my cellphone.

This is from a sweater I was knitting in syncopated brioche stitch. It still isn’t done.

I thought this was a weird juxtaposition: Halloween stuff next to Christmas stuff.

I always drink tea out of a mug, instead of a cup. It makes British people angry.

I was proud of myself for getting this wrapper open all in one piece. Note: Reese Big Cups aren’t actually that big. They’re just the size that the cups used to be when I was a kid.

I photographed these rings at kind of a weird angle. They look all Dutch and stuff.

I ordered these Smarties Scaries to give out on Halloween, but they arrived well after, so I was forced to eat them all myself. It was awful.

This plubob USB drive/keychain came with The Sims 3 Collector’s Edition. It only holds 2gb, so it’s next to useless, but it sure is pretty.

I went through this phase where I kept having Dutch babies for breakfast. I really need to get a cast iron skillet to do them properly, though.

I really like taking kaleidoscope photos.

I really, really like taking kaleidoscope photos.

A large chunk was taken out of this wall when my mother dropped a piece of furniture out of the attic.

This lead represents Autumn.

This would have looked way better, if only my stupid phone could focus.

I own way too many EOS lip balms.

Getting artsy-fartsy with beer.

I love cooking chickens in my slow cooker. They come out very tender.

I usually put the chicken and the vegetable under the broiler, after slow cooking them, to crisp up the outsides a little.

This is a path that I dug through a snowbank. It was hard, because the only shovel I had at my disposal was a flimsy plastic one.

It snowed way, way too much. I don’t think it’s all going to melt until June.

That’s all for now. See you later. Or not.

More Instagram photos? When will this end? Haven’t we all suffered enough?

I really, really like cookies.

Is it a good idea to eat potatoes when they have grown roots this long?

These cookies spread out too much. Sometimes you have to chill your dough before you bake it.

Who is the Tomer King?

This is a bottle stopper. Why would anyone want to stop wine?

I really need to be kinder to my teeth…

I used a yellow filter to make this chili look extra gross.

If I recalled correctly, all of these air bags were needed to protect a lip balm.

They were all out of normal hotdog buns at the grocery store, so I had to get these rectangular monstrosities.

These are my pineapple earrings. I don’t even like pineapple.

Sometimes, Americans ask me if my favourite beer is Molson or LaBatt’s and I just laugh ruefully. Ah, Sleeman, a beer so good, we won’t let them sell it in the United States.

This large branch was downed during Hurricane Arthur.

I don’t know what these yellow things are. Wild alfalfa sprouts? If you know what these are, tell me in the comments.

This is like the puzzle box from Hellraiser. What do you call a Rubik’s Cube that isn’t actually Rubik’s brand?

I got myself a Yonanas machine so that I could have delicious frozen banana goop desserts.

I ate the Hungry-Man Mexican Fiesta and then I died of some sort of poisoning.

I ate the Smores Pop-Tarts and then I died of some sort of poisoning.

Shouldn’t these be the same colour?

Eleven nail polishes? Why, that’s a different colour for every one of my fingers!

This is some cuticle oil and it’s not nearly as good as the cuticle oil that I had bought previously from The Body Shop.

That’s all for now. I’m going back to bed.

BLAH. BLAH. BLAH. Instagram. BLAH. BLAH. BLAH.

This was the Cornish hen that I cooked for Christmas. It just tasted like a regular chicken. I was very disappointed.

This Slinky sits on my desk to this day.

This is a hair clip that I’d wear, only it doesn’t seem to want to hold all my hair.

Holding a kaleidoscope in one hand and taking a picture of the inside with the other, is really hard.

These wire with beads on the ends were attached to my Christmas crackers.

I was trying to make this butterfly hair clip look creepy.

I got some smelly junk from The Body Shop in this box.

This is a Swiss Tech Utili-Key. It’s supposed to have, like, thirty uses, but it’s mostly just good for accidentally cutting yourself with.

Those tiny marshmallows instantly dissolved when the water hit them.

The mint and marshmallow mix of these candy cane Viva Puffs was pretty tasty, but the green dye they used was pretty off-putting.

This can is dented and labelless. It is a scary mystery.

Is there anything more depressing than a cruddy frozen pizza with all the toppings jumbled around?

My grandmother saved every stamp she got in the mail.

Apparently, Pirate cookies are only available in Canada.

I don’t actually love you, internet. I lied.

The chicken may contain kidneys? What if kidneys are my favourite part of the chicken? MUST CONTAIN KIDNEYS!

Great White White Wine is a fortified wine and it’s the worst thing ever. Colloquially it’s know as “Shark Piss”. It’s only sold in the Maritimes. I think that it’s illegal in the rest of the country.

I think all these air bags were used to protect a package of gum.

This graveyard photo was way spookier before Instagram processed it.

Yes, public telephones still exist. Although, I’m not sure if this one is still in service. I should have picked the receiver up and listened for a dial tone.

BLAH. BLAH. BLAH. UNTIL NEXT TIME. BLAH. BLAH. BLAH.

I know you’re dying for more photos from my craptastical Instagram account, and I shall not disappoint you, my lovelies!

I love sneakers. They’re practically the only things I ever wear on my feet.

This daddy long legs was on my bedroom wall. Spying on me, it was.

I like spiders, actually because they eat critters that I don’t like.

This chai tea didn’t really taste like pumpkins at all.

This is my dead grandparent’s attic. The ladder leading to it is right next to the stairs, so your likelihood of killing yourself entering or exiting the attic is high.

This is the weird closet in my dead grandparent’s basement. It had some sort of weird nest in the corner.

These are the stairs in my dead grandparent’s house. The handrail looks like some sort of animals clawed it up.

This is my dead grandfather’s worktable. He used to do framing for art.

This looks like a Pandora charm bracelet… But it’s not.

Why, yes, I did need two brownies.

I need to stop buying garbage cuts of meat.

Yum! Nothing like the Sobey’s store brand sweets.

Day one of eating chocolate…

Day two of eating chocolate…

Day three of eating chocolate…

Day four of eating chocolate…

Day five of eating chocolates and then there were no more chocolates to be had, but, like, they were only little chocolates, so I’m not a pig or nothing. *shifty eyes*

I got a letter in the mail soliciting donation for The Nova Scotia How For Colored Children. Who uses the term “colored” anymore? Why the Hell would they I’d give money to them? Apparently, a bunch of children were abused there, so, really, the balls on these people daring to ask for money.

All these vegetables were for a slow cooker recipe. I forget what meat they were cooked with.

Two of those things are Christmas crackers. I hear that they don’t have crackers in the United States for their holidays? That seems sad.

Done with this post, but there’s still so much more. SO MUCH MORE!

What!? More photos from my Instagram account? What is this, some sort of miracle?

Welcome to Canada, where we put maple syrup on everything.

I thought that “Fashion Stamper Tampon Mode” sounded funny. I am a child.

This weird photo was for a project I ended up not doing. Hey, look, you can see me in the reflection on the TV screen.

I like buying those hanging baskets of pansies from the grocery store and murdering them through my horticultural ineptitude.

If you look closely, you can see a little bug dude hanging out in these blossoms.

These are pretty much the same as the previous crabapple blossoms, only these ones are more whiter and junk.

Wild strawberries are very tasty, but I like to leave them for the birds.

Lily-of-the-valley flowers are so cute. They smell good too.

I always thought that dandelions were very pretty and they’re much more interesting than a boring homogeneous lawn.

I totally forgot these flowers.

In certain suburbs, there are some many lilac bushes that the smell can become overpowering. I think it’s places where lots of old ladies live. Old ladies love lilacs.

I found this gross tick on my doggy. Apparently, you’re supposed save ticks that bite you or your pet, because they can autopsy them to look for diseases. It means that you have to keep a bag with a gross dead tick sitting around your house, though.

No Name does too make good food. I am not cheap or anyhing. *shifty eyes*

Is there a meat they can’t flake?

Yep. That sure is a crack alright.

Oranges are nutritious and junk. Is the nail on my thumb too long here? I don’t know from nail grooming.

These are crap for drawing with and crap for writing with.

Can you spot the deer in this field? I can’t.

My older brother got me this giant thing of cheese puffs from Target for my birthday, because my brother is weird. Anyway, there is no more Target in Canada, but I still have a bunch of their cheese puffs to eat.

Why are the zippers on things always breaking on me? These boots weren’t even that old. Is it because they’re using crappy nylon zippers, now, instead of metal ones?

20 more photos, but still many more to go…

Hey! Who wants to see some more of my terrible, terrible Instagram photography? Everybody! Everybody, that’s who!

This was from some weird project called “Chameleon Cars”. You were supposed to match cars with their surroundings. Well, you supposed to use actual cars. I used toy cars instead, just to be a smartass.

The grass had not been mown in a while…

I think that that volleyball was used once before it was thrown into a corner of the garage and forgotten.

You can sort of see me in the reflection there.

Bananaphone nearly drove our mother to murder us. Raffi is the devil.

Is orange soda or grape soda the greatest soda? I will drink both!

Gotta love that ring on the table…

My mom told me to decorate our family’s crappy fake Christmass tree, so I put my chili lights on it. She did not appreciate this.

And here is the same Christmas tree decorated “properly”. Bleh.

This a Real Ghostbusters toy. It’s much better than a Fake Ghostbusters toy.

These are the underpants I got for Christmas in 2012.

Hey, it’s the DSLR I got myself so that I could take better photos, but I still mostly use my crappy cellphone, because, unlike this big guy, I can fit a cellphone in my purse.

I broke the laces on one of my Doc Martens and the only laces I had to replace them were brown. I was so ashamed of myself.

This is a Chewbacca toy, I guess. I think… It might be a bootleg.

I saw this weird thing in a thrift store. It might be a candle holder? Anyway, the cats look like they’re doing a Nazi salute.

It’s a Darth Vader doll wearing bunny ears for Easter! Why is this a thing that exists? I blame Disney.

This is Thrills Gum. It tastes like soap. Don’t ask. It’s a Canadian thing.

These hardly tasted like Cadbury Creme Eggs at all.

I wonder, if you swabbed the seat on one these Walmart scooters, what kind of horrible germs would you find?

This was Easter Dinner 2013. It was very tasty.

Whelp, that’s all for this post. I think I’m going to limit the dumps to twenty photos. Yeah, that seems like a good number.