Instagram Dump #5


a photo of a raw cornish hen on a plate

This was the Cornish hen that I cooked for Christmas. It just tasted like a regular chicken. I was very disappointed.

a photo of a slinky in an arch
Everybody loves this guy!

This Slinky sits on my desk to this day.

a photo of a blue bow with a heart in the middle

This is a hair clip that I’d wear, only it doesn’t seem to want to hold all my hair.

a photo of the inside of a kaleidoscope, includes green red and purple crystals
Rotational Symmetry!

Holding a kaleidoscope in one hand and taking a picture of the inside with the other, is really hard.

a photo of a three wires with beads on both ends, they are in a star-shaped configuration

These wire with beads on the ends were attached to my Christmas crackers.

a black&white photo of a hair clip shaped like a butterfly

I was trying to make this butterfly hair clip look creepy.

a photo of some shredded paper in a cardboard box

I got some smelly junk from The Body Shop in this box.

a photo of a utili-kep

This is a Swiss Tech Utili-Key. It’s supposed to have, like, thirty uses, but it’s mostly just good for accidentally cutting yourself with.

a photo of some instant hot chocolate mix with marshmallows

Those tiny marshmallows instantly dissolved when the water hit them.

a photo of a box of holiday edition candy cane viva puffs

The mint and marshmallow mix of these candy cane Viva Puffs was pretty tasty, but the green dye they used was pretty off-putting.

a photo of a dented can with no label

This can is dented and labelless. It is a scary mystery.

a photo of a frozen pizza with all the pepperoni shifted to one side
Great job at being a pizza, asshole.

Is there anything more depressing than a cruddy frozen pizza with all the toppings jumbled around?

a photo of a box of used stamps

My grandmother saved every stamp she got in the mail.

a photo of a box of pirate peanut butter cookies

Apparently, Pirate cookies are only available in Canada.

a photo of a valentine for the internet, it says "i wuv you internet"

I don’t actually love you, internet. I lied.

a photo of a bag of whole chicken with a warning that reads "may contain kidneys"

The chicken may contain kidneys? What if kidneys are my favourite part of the chicken? MUST CONTAIN KIDNEYS!

a photo of a bottle of great white white wine

Great White White Wine is a fortified wine and it’s the worst thing ever. Colloquially it’s know as “Shark Piss”. It’s only sold in the Maritimes. I think that it’s illegal in the rest of the country.

a photo of a bunch of packing air bags

I think all these air bags were used to protect a package of gum.

a photo of a graveyard

This graveyard photo was way spookier before Instagram processed it.

a photo of a public telephone outdoors

Yes, public telephones still exist. Although, I’m not sure if this one is still in service. I should have picked the receiver up and listened for a dial tone.


Instagram Dump #4

I know you’re dying for more photos from my craptastical Instagram account, and I shall not disappoint you, my lovelies!

a photo of some plaid airwalk sneakers in their box

I love sneakers. They’re practically the only things I ever wear on my feet.

a photo of a daddy long legs on a wall

This daddy long legs was on my bedroom wall. Spying on me, it was.

a photo of a spider hanging upside-down

I like spiders, actually because they eat critters that I don’t like.

a photo of a box of twinning chai pumpkin spice tea

This chai tea didn’t really taste like pumpkins at all.

a black-and-white photo of an attic

This is my dead grandparent’s attic. The ladder leading to it is right next to the stairs, so your likelihood of killing yourself entering or exiting the attic is high.

a photo of a creepy closet

This is the weird closet in my dead grandparent’s basement. It had some sort of weird nest in the corner.

a photo of some creepy stairs leading to a basement
Don’t trip!

These are the stairs in my dead grandparent’s house. The handrail looks like some sort of animals clawed it up.

a photo of an old worktable

This is my dead grandfather’s worktable. He used to do framing for art.

a photo of a pandora charm bracelet knockoff

This looks like a Pandora charm bracelet… But it’s not.

a photo of two brownies sitting on a plate

Why, yes, I did need two brownies.

a photo of weirdly-shaped pork chops

I need to stop buying garbage cuts of meat.

a photo of a sensations british chocolate and toffee assortment tin

Yum! Nothing like the Sobey’s store brand sweets.

a photo of fifteen chocolate wrappers on a table
15 Chocolate Wrappers

Day one of eating chocolate…

a photo of twenty-eight chocolate wrappers on a table
28 Chocolate Wrappers

Day two of eating chocolate…

a photo of forty-two chocolate wrappers on a table
42 Chocolate Wrappers

Day three of eating chocolate…

a photo of fifty-one chocolate wrappers on a table
51 Chocolate Wrappers

Day four of eating chocolate…

a photo of fifty-seven chocolate wrappers on a table
57 Chocolate Wrappers

Day five of eating chocolates and then there were no more chocolates to be had, but, like, they were only little chocolates, so I’m not a pig or nothing. *shifty eyes*

a photo of an envelope from the nova scotia home for colored children

I got a letter in the mail soliciting donation for The Nova Scotia How For Colored Children. Who uses the term “colored” anymore? Why the Hell would they I’d give money to them? Apparently, a bunch of children were abused there, so, really, the balls on these people daring to ask for money.

a photo of some carrots, celery, tomatoes, onions and garlic all chopped up

All these vegetables were for a slow cooker recipe. I forget what meat they were cooked with.

a photo of some christmas presents and christmas crackers on a carpet

Two of those things are Christmas crackers. I hear that they don’t have crackers in the United States for their holidays? That seems sad.

Done with this post, but there’s still so much more. SO MUCH MORE!

Instagram Dump #3

What!? More photos from my Instagram account? What is this, some sort of miracle?

a photo of a bag of president's choice world of flavours maple bacon potato chips

Welcome to Canada, where we put maple syrup on everything.

a photo of a barbie doll labelled "fashion stamper tampon mode"

I thought that “Fashion Stamper Tampon Mode” sounded funny. I am a child.

a photo of a television sitting on a table in the forest

This weird photo was for a project I ended up not doing. Hey, look, you can see me in the reflection on the TV screen.

a photo of a purple and white pansy

I like buying those hanging baskets of pansies from the grocery store and murdering them through my horticultural ineptitude.

a photo of some pink crabapple blossoms, there is a beetle hidden amongst the petals

If you look closely, you can see a little bug dude hanging out in these blossoms.

a photo of some white crabapple blossoms

These are pretty much the same as the previous crabapple blossoms, only these ones are more whiter and junk.

a photo of some wild strawberry blossoms

Wild strawberries are very tasty, but I like to leave them for the birds.

a photo of some lily-of-the-valley flowers

Lily-of-the-valley flowers are so cute. They smell good too.

a photo two dandelion flowers, one of the flowers is only partially open

I always thought that dandelions were very pretty and they’re much more interesting than a boring homogeneous lawn.

a photo of some forget-me-not flowers

I totally forgot these flowers.

a photo of some lilac flowers

In certain suburbs, there are some many lilac bushes that the smell can become overpowering. I think it’s places where lots of old ladies live. Old ladies love lilacs.

a photo of a tick in a ziploc baggy

I found this gross tick on my doggy. Apparently, you’re supposed save ticks that bite you or your pet, because they can autopsy them to look for diseases. It means that you have to keep a bag with a gross dead tick sitting around your house, though.

a photo of a bunch of yellow no name products sitting on a counter

No Name does too make good food. I am not cheap or anyhing. *shifty eyes*

a photo of a can of flakes of ham sitting on a can of flakes of chicken sitting on a can of flakes of turkey sitting on a counter
So many flakes!

Is there a meat they can’t flake?

a photo of a crack in some cement

Yep. That sure is a crack alright.

a photo of a hand holding an orange with a sequoia sticker on it

Oranges are nutritious and junk. Is the nail on my thumb too long here? I don’t know from nail grooming.

a photo of ten different coloured pens lined up

These are crap for drawing with and crap for writing with.

a photo of a deer faraway in a field

Can you spot the deer in this field? I can’t.

a photo of a giant container of market pantry puffed cheese balls

My older brother got me this giant thing of cheese puffs from Target for my birthday, because my brother is weird. Anyway, there is no more Target in Canada, but I still have a bunch of their cheese puffs to eat.

a photo of a broken zipper on a brown boot

Why are the zippers on things always breaking on me? These boots weren’t even that old. Is it because they’re using crappy nylon zippers, now, instead of metal ones?

20 more photos, but still many more to go…

Instagram Dump #2

Hey! Who wants to see some more of my terrible, terrible Instagram photography? Everybody! Everybody, that’s who!

a photo of white toy cars and some white cans of paint

This was from some weird project called “Chameleon Cars”. You were supposed to match cars with their surroundings. Well, you supposed to use actual cars. I used toy cars instead, just to be a smartass.

a photo of two green toy cars in some grass
That’s not a road!

The grass had not been mown in a while…

a photo of a yellow toy car sitting on a yellow volleyball
sports car on a sports ball

I think that that volleyball was used once before it was thrown into a corner of the garage and forgotten.

a photo of a black toy car sitting on the tire of a car

You can sort of see me in the reflection there.

a photo of a raffi bananaphone liner for a cassette case

Bananaphone nearly drove our mother to murder us. Raffi is the devil.

a photo of a glass of orange soda

Is orange soda or grape soda the greatest soda? I will drink both!

a photo of three AA batteries

Gotta love that ring on the table…

a photo of an artificial christmas tree decorated with chili lights

My mom told me to decorate our family’s crappy fake Christmass tree, so I put my chili lights on it. She did not appreciate this.

a photo of a fully-decorated artificial christmas tree

And here is the same Christmas tree decorated “properly”. Bleh.

a photo of a The Real Ghostbusters screaming heroes peter venkman and slimer toy

This a Real Ghostbusters toy. It’s much better than a Fake Ghostbusters toy.

a photo of some black briefs and some blue boxers

These are the underpants I got for Christmas in 2012.

a photo of a canon rebel t2i camera

Hey, it’s the DSLR I got myself so that I could take better photos, but I still mostly use my crappy cellphone, because, unlike this big guy, I can fit a cellphone in my purse.

a photo of a blacked boot laced-up with a brown lace

I broke the laces on one of my Doc Martens and the only laces I had to replace them were brown. I was so ashamed of myself.

a photo of a Chewbacca toy

This is a Chewbacca toy, I guess. I think… It might be a bootleg.

a photo of a weird decoration with three cats doing a strange salute

I saw this weird thing in a thrift store. It might be a candle holder? Anyway, the cats look like they’re doing a Nazi salute.

a photo of a darth vader doll wearing bunny ears
Luke, I am your bunny!

It’s a Darth Vader doll wearing bunny ears for Easter! Why is this a thing that exists? I blame Disney.

a photo of a package of thrills gum

This is Thrills Gum. It tastes like soap. Don’t ask. It’s a Canadian thing.

a photo of a box of cadbury creme egg snack cakes

These hardly tasted like Cadbury Creme Eggs at all.

a photo of a mobility scooter at a walmart
Riding in style!

I wonder, if you swabbed the seat on one these Walmart scooters, what kind of horrible germs would you find?

a photo of a plate of olives, turkey, peas, potatoes and stuffing covered in gravy

This was Easter Dinner 2013. It was very tasty.

Whelp, that’s all for this post. I think I’m going to limit the dumps to twenty photos. Yeah, that seems like a good number.

Instagram Dump #1

I don’t really trust other websites with my files, so I’m backing up my Instagram photos here. A lot of these are complete crap, but I was unable to decide on a methodology for determining which ones should stay or go, so I’m uploading them all.

a photograph of a cake covered with white icing

I made this cake for my birthday. It had to be a gluten-fee cake, because my brother, Alex, has celiac disease.

a photo of a banana sitting on a counter

I thought it was really weird just how straight this banana was.

a photo of a usb to ps/2 adapter attached to a ps/2 to midi adapter

It’s a USB to PS/2 adapter attached to a PS/2 to MIDI adapter. I couldn’t get anything to work when attached to this configuration.

a photo of the sign for the forty creek distillery

Fun Fact: I passed out on a tour of the Forty Creek Distillery, because I had been fed recalled beef the night before. At least I didn’t die of listeria!

a photo of a purple fleabane flower outside

This is fleabane. It doesn’t really keep fleas away.

a photo of a plastic dagger to go with a women's halloween costume

What’s the difference between a she-dagger and a he-dagger?

a photo of a watch with its chain draped into a wine glass

This is my first-ever arst-fartsy Instagram photo. DOESN’T IT SUCK?

a photo of some paint cans and yard tools on a deck

These are some crude, yet mystical, digging tools.

a photo of a silk flower, a toy pig and a pearl necklace

The pig really ties this whole composition together.

a photo of a bolt, sitting on a step, with rays of sunlight shining on it

I wonder where this bolt came from? Something probably has compromised structural integrity now.

a photo of an eight of cups tarot card

The Eight of Cup tarot card means that we’re all doomed. DOOMED!

a photo of a bunch of bags of naked barbies hanging in a thrift store

Who the Hell would want to buy a bunch of janky, old naked Barbies?

a photo of a box of president's choice bran flakes cereal

Yep. That sure is a box of bran flakes.

a photo of five different pairs of glasses lined up

I have owned a lot of different pairs of glasses in my life.

a photo five different pairs of glasses lined up from a different angle

Why am I so blind?

a photo of a tree with its leaves turning orange for fall

Isn’t Autumn beautiful?

a photo of some cranberries withering on the bush during fall

We had this cranberry bush in our backyard my whole life and I have never tasted the berries. I’m not even sure if they’re the kind you can eat.

a photo of a light-up ceramic christmas tree

My mom found this Christmas tree thing at the dump. It think that it should have stayed there.

a photo of a "resurrect eggs" carton

I never opened this Resurrection Eggs thing, because the container was really grody-looking, but now I kinda wished that I had.

a photo of a brown toy car sitting on a brown boot

A brown car on a brown boot. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!

Well, that is all for now. There will be more later. Instagram doesn’t let you right-click save photos, so this has been a really annoying process.